scammers

Well, I’m convinced!

Re: SCAMMED VICTIM/5 MILLION BENEFICIARY.REF/PAYMENTS CODE: 06654 5MILLION USD

ECOBANK COMPENSATION UNIT, IN AFFILIATION WITH THE UNITED NATION.

Attn: Sir

SCAMMED VICTIM/5 MILLION BENEFICIARY.REF/PAYMENTS CODE: 06654 5MILLION USD

This is to bring to your notice that I am delegated from the United Nations to ECO BANK PLC. Nigeria to pay 100 Nigerian 419 scam victims $5 Million each, you are listed and approved for this payments as one of the scammed victims, get back to as soon as possible for the immediate payments of your $5 Million compensations funds.

On this faithful recommendations, I want you to know that during the last UN meetings held at Abuja, Nigeria, it was alarmed so much by the rest of the world in the meetings on the lose of funds by various foreigners to the scams artists operating in syndicates all over the world today, in other to retain the good image of the country, the president of the country is now paying 100 victims of this operators $5 Million USD each, Due to the corrupt and inefficient banking systems in Nigeria , the payments are to be paid by ECO BANK PLC. Nigeria as corresponding paying bank under funding assistance by the National Westminster bank London According to the number of applicants at hand,
84 beneficiaries has been paid, half of the victims are from the United States, we still have more 20 left to be paid the compensations of $5 Million each. Your particulars was mentioned by one of the syndicates who was arrested in Lagos Nigeria as one of their victims of the operations, you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to him for any reason what so ever, the US secret service is already on trace of the criminal.

You can receive your compensations payments via any of the both options you choose, DRAFT PAYMENTS or WIRE TRANSFERS,I shall feed you with further modalities as soon as I hear from you.

Yours faithfully,

IYAMAH SYLVANIUS.

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This message is confidential. It may also be privileged or otherwise protected by work product immunity or other legal rules. If you have received it please let us know by reply it from your system; you should not copy it or disclose its contents to anyone. The contents of any email addressed to our clients are subject to our usual terms of business; anything, which does not relate to the official business of the firm is neither given nor endorsed by it.
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Technical "support"

I’ve posted this elsewhere, but I’m remarkably proud of myself for it, so thought it may as well go here too, even though it’s not big and it’s not clever.

[phone rings – international, out of area]

Me: Hello?

“Okay, this is Amjit from your computer support hosting company. We’re receiving hundreds of reports from your computer that your system is running slowly.”

Yes, you’re right – it is running slowly!

“Okay, well I can help you with that. Would you like me to sort that for you now?”

Oh, yes please!

“Okay, I will just put you through to our expert computer experts from your computer support hosting company and they will show you how to find the problem, which is hundreds of extra, unwanted files that are causing all of these errors.”

Great! Thank you!

[Time passes. Click!]

“Okay, my name is Albert from your computer support hosting company. I am understanding that your computer is running slowly, yes?”

Yes, very!

“Okay, I will show you how to find the problem, which is hundreds of extra, unwanted files that are causing all of these errors. Would you like me to do that?”

Yes please! It really is very slow today. [It was, I was watching CSI:NY online via, er, not very legal methods]

“Okay, is your computer switched on if not ask them to switch it on.”

It’s switched on, yes.

“Okay, first you need to look at the bottom left of the keyboard. Can you see a key marked C T R L?”

Yes.

“Okay, now can you press the Windows logo key next to it?”

I don’t see that key.

“Okay, can you press the key with the picture of a flag on it?”

I can’t see that key either.

[puzzled sounds] “Okay, can you say to me what key is next to the C T R L key?”

The alt key.

“Okay, between the C T R L key and the alt key is the Windows key. Please press that.”

There’s no key between the control key and the alt key.

“Okay, if you look very carefully, sir, there is a key between the C T R L key and the alt key. Please press that.”

There’s no key between the control key and the alt key… because I’m using an Apple fucking Mac, you stupid scamming bastard!

“Ah, you piece of shit, you scum, I’ll come and be killing you I will!”

Ha ha ha ha HA! [I hang up]