Corrections and clarifications

The average issue of the Daily Mail contains around 80,000 words – the equivalent of Mein Kampf – most of which are made up on the day under tremendous pressure of having Paul Dacre standing over us and swearing. Huge efforts are made to ensure our journalism meets the lowest possible standards but it is inevitable that we get caught out. This column provides an opportunity to correct those errors silently and without back links.

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In a series of articles in the 1930s, we may have inadvertently given the impression that we were a pro-Nazi newspaper. We now accept that this impression has tarnished our image for years and have endeavoured to be a bit quieter about our support ever since.

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In an article last week, we inadvertently gave the impression that women are thinking, feeling beings who deserve equality and should not be prejudged. We apologise for this article and will redress the balance in future.

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On several inside pages yesterday, we printed up-skirt shots of famous women getting in to, or out of, various vehicles. No correction here, we’re just drawing it to your attention, male, middle-class, sex-starved masturbators.

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On our front page tomorrow, we will tell a whopping lie in large type with a denial of the whole story in paragraph nineteen on page 24. We apologise for not apologising for this.

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In a front page article last week, complete with screaming headline, we said that every non-middle-class person claiming benefits for their dying child was doing so falsely and being given a free BMW, a holiday for six in Bermuda and a speedboat. We’re now apologising for this in tiny print on page 2.

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On page 7 of Femail yesterday, we printed an article about how loathsome fat women are and implored you to put down that cake, lardarse. On page 8 of Femail yesterday, we printed an article about how loathsome thin women are and implored you to pick up a cake, stick insect. We apologise for the confusion this may have caused.

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We have frequently printed articles by Liz Jones. We apologise for the error.

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The story on page 3 yesterday headlined “NOW LESBIANS GET ‘RIGHT’ TO MURDER OUR CHILDREN” occurred only in the head of the journalist concerned.

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If you wish to report a sighting of an accurate article, please write to the Readers’ Editor, Daily Mail, Ghana or email us by tying your message to a pigeon and launching it in our direction.

 

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